So I ran away for a while…

But now, I’m back.

LOL… expect a post soon.

No, I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet…

Yes I am still here… doing pretty good even if I am feeling a little fatigued as life has been fairly hectic with many events in it.  I promise to give a more detailed blog entry in a few days, but for now just a “I’m okay” post.

Bye for now.

Grumpy, Moody and Struggling

Since the news hubby delivered yesterday about the youngest wanting to move back home, I’m finding myself really struggling to hold my head above the water’s of life.  Grumpy.. yes… Moody… in the extreme… and on the verge of tears every time I think about what he has asked.

I explained to him last night that when she was at home, my stress levels were extremely elevated.  More so, that her presence in our house hindered my ability to look after me.  He acknowledged that he understood this but acknowledging doesn’t mean he really ‘gets it.’

I know that he is in a tough spot.  It’s his youngest who has made a request… his “little girl” as he put it, but I find myself in a near state of panic at the thought of her returning to live with us.

My understanding is that she wants to return to school…. again.  I don’t know about this.  It didn’t go so well the last time and I pointed that out.  His answer was that we could call the school and find out if she is indeed attending regular.  Well, it isn’t quite that simple – she’s an adult now and the school has no obligation to share her attendance record with us.  Even more so, I just don’t think it’s fair that we should have to go to such measures.

My answer to hubby was that we needed to find some way to support her in what she wants to do – but that it been done so that she is not living with us.  I will add something further to that when we discuss the topic again, that if she is able to establish herself in school and show that she is applying herself, I would consider opening the house back up to her to live.  But right now, all I can think is “No.”

It’s not that I don’t love her.  I do.  I just know that at nineteen, she still has much the same attitude she did a year ago – “My way is the right way, the only way and you can’t tell me what to do.”

He’s tried to reassure me that she realizes the way she was last time in the house – her attitude, her defiance, her general lack of regard for anyone but herself – that she sees that was not a good thing.  But, I don’t see that there has been enough time away from us for her to really apply that into her approach in life.  Some habits are hard to break and I don’t harbor a whole lot of hope that her approach has really changed much.  The maturity difference between 18 and 19 is just … not dramatic enough.

I don’t know where this is all going to go.  It’s a pretty sensitive situation – for both hubby and for the youngest.  For him to realize there are other ways to support that keep things at a bit of a distance; for her to understand not being allowed to live at home again isn’t a rejection, just a recognition of a situation where things don’t or aren’t hopeful of working out.

I’ve not often put my foot down, but in this case I will.  I will be making the suggestions about “proving” or “establishing” the seriousness of what she wants to do.  Sadly, I quite possibly see him as going ahead and giving her the okay despite how I feel.  I will continue to tell him that I can’t stop him from doing whatever he is going to do, but he will not have my blessing.

And can I say… I feel really angry right now that I’ve even been put in a position where two people who know what a F*ck up it was last time to have her at home would dare to ask me again.

*sigh*

Bye for now.

Stunned

Stunned.

There’s no other word for how I feel right now.

Stunned and maybe numb.  Feeling a great sense of disbelief?

Not going to write a long detailed post about it.  I can’t.  I’ve been doing okay but this evening hubby dropped a bombshell on me…

The youngest wants to move back home again.

I’ve said “No.”

He’s said, “She’s my baby girl.”

I’ve said, “I understand that, but my answer is still no.  You’re going to do what you want but you will not have my blessing.”

Amazing.  Absolutely and totally amazing.

Bye for now.