Nothing Exciting is Good

Again…

Nothing exciting to report for my day.  This is a good thing

Struggled a bit with the grumpies when I realized that hubby was not inclined to be getting up during the mornings hours.  Can’t explain really, how frustrating and depressing it is to hear snores coming from the other room when you didn’t get to see your spouse the day before because he was working.  But, as I know he was tired from working, I just set about trying to keep myself busy and occupied.

Eventually, when hubby did get up, the whole schedule for the day shifted to accommodate what he wanted to do.  At first I was annoyed, but once we got going, I felt pretty good about it.  It was nice to spend time with him and we used that shared time to go visit our grandson.  The smile on my grandon’s face is always enough to melt away any grouchies that are plaguing me.

After, a trip to the grocery store.  Yay!  My favorite place.  I probably would have been fine except that hubby chose this trip to remain in the vehicle.  I was okay with that too up until he added a box of oranges to the list of things to purchase.  Not big deal but with having to get both cat food and bird seed, I did some uncomfortable, if not painful, juggling as I tried to shift things around so I could carry them all.  Silly me should have gotten a buggy, but I’m a stubborn 40 year old who still hasn’t learned and now I have a very tender shoulder which is crying out for some extra TLC – ice packs and heating pads all around.

The rest of the day went quietly.  Some time online… friendly chats… the occasional phone call.  But quiet.

Tomorrow looks to be, dare I say it, a bit stressful as I have to phone the doctor and apologize for missing my appointment and hope they will schedule me in for another flu shot.  Also in the works is an early morning baby sitting job because my daughter needs to go for an ultrasound.  At least looking after babe will keep my mind off of what I have to do to phone the doctor.

So, yeah.  Quiet is good.  I feel content and rested and am looking forward to a continued evening of … umm.. quietness.  I was going to say “nothingness” but that’s not really it… just quietness.

Bye for now.

All’s Quiet

Just a brief entry…

Having a lack of anything to say is probably a good sign.  As always, I have several ideas bouncing around in my head, but feeling no sense of urgency to get them down on paper or try discover any new insights, I feel relaxed and content to call today a quiet one.

Amazing how a quiet uneventful day can be considered to be a good one, huh?

No complaints here though.

A brief description of today?

Hmmmm….

Got up, went back to bed, got up, went out for morning coffee, came home, tried to stay out of bed, hubby came home, went out and picked up dinner (KFC for me, Arby’s for him,) and soon to retire to bed to watch tv.

Actually, I have already been watching tv, but I thought I would take another hack at fixing my computer… no such luck there.  At some point I will gather my wits about me enough to figure out how to send a support email to the manufacturer to explain the rather weird thing it is doing.

That’s it, that’s all.

Very quiet!

Bye for now.

Silly Things That Stress Us Out

Today, overall, has been an okay day.  Was up and at ‘em early to help hubby load up for work; went out for my usual morning coffee, came home and putzed around the house doing a little of this and a little of that.  When hubby finally arrived at home, we ate a nice simple dinner of tacos.

But, despite it being an okay day, I kinda messed things up a bit.  Forgive me if it takes a while to figure out how to get it all out in my blog entry as I’m not sure of how to make it flow.

The thing that screwed things up today was forgetting a doctor appointment.  On the surface, this forgetfulness might be seen as just the “things that happen” but for me it has created a host of difficulties.

The appointment was to go get my flu shot.  Being someone with asthma, getting the flu shot is a no-brainer.  It’s supposed to reduce my chances of getting the flu.. theoretically.  Now, I can’t really explain why I am bucking so hard against the logic of this, but there’s a little voice in the back of my head that is going, “Sure it does… sure it does… ” .. that is it doubts the effectiveness of such a shot.  I KNOW on a logical level that it does help, but on the “I just don’t want to do it level,” there’s a whole host of others thoughts in my head.

Add into the mix, the “I hate the doctor” factor.  I really do HATE the doctor.  I guess I’m pretty protective of how I feel… perhaps even evasive.  I hold deep rooted suspicions of any questions the doctors ask, always believing there is something more they are looking for.  This is, of course, rooted quite firmly in my experiences with the mental health system.  Trust no doctor! (LOL.. no wonder my psychiatrist encounters so many challenges in my treatment.)

The next layer to my problem lies in the way that my Agoraphobia affects me.  Leaving the house is just not something I like to do.  I mean, I do leave … when I have to… groceries, etc… but even for my morning coffee, I usually choose to go through the drive thru versus actually having to venture into the restaurant.

So, now here I sit, having finally managed to phone and book the appointment after delaying it for over a month, and then I forget to go!  This makes things even harder.

I am a person who feels a strong sense of honor and commitment, even for things such as appointments.  I rarely miss them when I make them, and am typically early for them.  This is the way I was raised… people’s time is precious.  Even more so, when someone one is providing a service to me and I have stood them up…. Gawwwwwd.  I feel awful.  In past, I have missed appointments which led to several untimely delays and, if I’m honest, probably led to things that were not necessarily to my benefit.  This includes long hiatuses in counselling appointments, and yes, probably a medical thing or two.  My problem here is that the high sense of commitment I feel leads to me feeling extremely embarrassed about having missed the appointment.  An additional influencing factor here is my extreme uncomfortableness with using the telephone.  I can think of several instances lately where this reluctance and shyness of mine has also led to problems.

So, now I sit and I stew and I worry and I fret and I kick my butt because I don’t know what to do.

Okay, I know what I need to do.  But ….. what I want to do …what all my instincts are screaming at me to do is in opposition to what I need to do. The potential consequences of the two are also diametrically opposed!  Avoiding/mitigating the flu versus the potential for full blown bronchitis and/or pneumonia.

So, what’s the damn problem here?  I don’t know.

I’ve promised that I’m going to get the shot.  And, with this in mind, my sense of honor and commitment will definitely come into play.  A promise is a promise.  I won’t hedge on that, but I will admit to having briefly considered it.  But I won’t… because that’s not who I am.

You know, there are days where I wish I couldn’t think of things in such a clear and analytical way.  Today is one of those.  I do wish I could come up with one legitimate reason not to go for the shot.  I find this frustrating!

Anyway, now that I’ve vented about it and hopefully got it out of my system for the weekend, I’m going to try to enjoy my weekend.  Come Monday morning, I’ll screw up the courage, pick up the phone and call the doctor’s office, apologize for forgetting my appointment and hope they can rebook me so I can get the damn shot.

In closing, all I can say is that I wonder at what the hell was going through my head to forget the appointment in the first place.  It would have been so much easier to attend to it today . . . hindsight *sigh*

Bye for now.

Computer Woes

Well, once again, I am fighting with a computer which has responded in a most peculiar way when I removed a memory card without first ejecting it…..

All I can say is YUCK!

After waiting for the computer too boot… a process which took two hours, I am still stuck waiting for “My Computer” to slowly grind through whatever it is that is slowing it up so I can try to eject the memory card.

I think I’m working on 5 plus hours of trying to get it sorted out… to no avail.  At least the computer runs… but I will have to resolve the situation.  As it currently stands, I don’t dare power down the computer unless I want it to take another two hours to boot up.

Anyways… enough of my computer woes… a song to share today…

Even though I listen to a lot of sad or down music, I have a real appreciation for the stuff that makes me stop and think.  This song does… the band is Nickelback (another great Canadian band) and the song, If Today Was Your Last Day is from their most recent album, Dark Horse.

If Today Was Your Last Day

by Nickelback

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day’s a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try
So live like you’ll never live it twice
Don’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin’ stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day