D-Day
Yes, it is D-Day.. dentist day.
Originally I was thinking of a light workout at the gym, but once I got there I did a hard and heavy workout in an effort to distract myself from worrying about the dentist.
I’m pleased with my progress there. Yes, everyday … or I should say, the next day I always feel whatever muscle group I have worked, but I’m slowly able to increase the weights of each of the exercises I do. The elliptical is getting easier too, and I’ve had to increase the resistance of it too.
I’m planning on talking to my psychiatrist about my medication regime. I’m unhappy with the clozapine which causes me to gain weight when I even look at food. No, wait – I don’t even have to look at food, I just have to breathe. Very annoying. Very frustrating. And.. it’s not helping me feel good about myself.
I want to discuss with her a return to taking seroquel to sleep and dexadrine to help my concentration during the day. A while ago, I went off of Dexadrine because we had increased the dosage to twice a day and I had been unable to remember to take it that often (yes, I’m a scatterbrain.) But, when I think about it, I was most successful on both of these medications and now that I am not at work, this is as good a time as any to try to establish that routine.
I also want to discuss with her the possibility of a trip to a clinic. Back when I first had my break with agoraphobia and panic, we had talked about a clinic located in California. I don’t know if she would still see this as a possibility, but for me, when I look at where my life is going, what I am doing now, anything that might improve my quality of life would be welcome. The idea of traveling away from home, to a foreigh country no less, is fear provoking but I would do it because I want my life back that bad!
Okay… thoughts are all over the place. Time to unwind from the gym and try to keep myself busy and distracted from thinking about the dentist.
Bye for now.
