Ever Have One of “Those Days?”
Can’t quite figure out what is wrong. Can’t sit still for too long. Can’t focus on any one things for too long.
I’m trying not to set myself up by thinking it will just take one little thing to push me over the emotional edge today. Don’t want no self-fulfilling prophesies in my house. I don’t even know that “one more thing” would make me emotional but more that it would push me more in the direction of dealing with/ feeling some more of what I’m already experiencing.
It’s like a restlessness has taken hold and because I can’t find the cure for it, it’s bubbling and the pressure is building. And for what seems to be no good reason.
It may be true that I don’t understand where this mood has swooped down from, but I do know one thing that has not helped it improve any. When hubby and i went to Walmart to pick up my glasses, he told me he would meet me in the Sporting Goods department. I wasn’t entirely happy with this arrangement, but agreed with it since he had been nice enough to take me up to Walmart. Sucking in my anxiety, I went to the optical department, had them adjust my new glasses and happy to be able to see again, I headed out to look for hubby. Imagine my anxiety building as I hit the Sporting Goods department and with each passing aisle, he was not there. Fighting back tears, and the panic threatening to overrun every cell of my body, I went out to see if he was in the jeep – he wasn’t. Going back in the store, I started to look again – by this time in full blown panic because I have no key to the jeep, no way home, no way of finding him except to keep looking or to return to the jeep. Returning to the Jeep was not an option as he was expecting me to find him. My heart pounding, my palms sweating, my mind racing, I finally found him in the hardware department (at least instinct took me to the right place.) So yeah, that has not helped me any and I am having a hard time even now, thinking about what happened, to not lose control. I tried to explain to him how his not being where he said he was going to be had a big impact on me – he don’t get it. *shrug* I’m getting used to people “not getting it.”
Yeah. It’s been a bit of a weird day. And I don’t know what or how I am going to deal with how I am feeling. Lots of possibilities: The Lake, the gym, play some Guitar Hero ? I don’t know. Bed sounds awfully damn good too – go to sleep and forget that I’m feeling like I am. Blah! I hate days like today.
Bye for now.
Hi Eccedentesiast
Thanks for visiting my blog and once again leaving a comment.
Fear of abandonment is hard. You still deal with that I am guessing? I hope it is getting better for you.
A&A
aroundnaround
July 22, 2008 at 9:03 am
Hi Joelcrowservo
Thanks for dropping by my blog.
Interesting isn’t it… I think a lot of people feel the way I do when you can’t find someone. The day in question was probably particularly bad for me because I was already feeling on edge. I was very happy when I did finally find him even though I was feeling extremely cranky about the whole affair.
And yes, it does help to be able to connect and read about others experiences with similar issues. Sounds like you have your own set of challenges to deal with.
Again, thank you for dropping by, and taking the time to comment. Knowing that others can identify with the way I was feelings helps me lots.
A&A
aroundnaround
July 22, 2008 at 9:02 am
Can definitely relate to the searching for people and consequent panic. I’ve been like that ever since I was a little girl. Always worried that my mum would abandon me even though she never has. Irrational fear maybe but I’ve always feared abandonment.
Take care x
eccedentesiast
July 18, 2008 at 7:09 am
Very interesting, and doesnt sound too far off from the way I feel when unable to find someone where they said they’d be.
I’ll keep in touch here, as my wife suffers from Bi-polar and me from ADD and slight panic disorder. It can be helpful and enlightening to hear someone else trials and tribulations.
joelcrowservo
July 17, 2008 at 5:17 pm