Up & Down – a personal blog

… just pondering the idea of socializing.. and people not understanding that. If it weren’t for my social contact via the internet, I would probably be locked up in a mad house by now.

That was my statement while talking with a friend the other day and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

Without a doubt, there is a big debate out there about whether or not social contact via the internet can be considered “real” contact… real “socializing”… and more, I suppose there is probably just as big of a debate over whether or not the internet serves to closet people away further, particularly those of us who deal with agoraphobia or avoidance issues.

For my friend, they find social contact via the internet is more comfortable due to trust issues.  They said if they want shallow conversation, they can have that with just about anybody at any time, but for discussions about the deeper issues, some which are pretty sensitive, they find that discussions can be a bit more frank and open via the internet, with their identity still being protected.

For me, trust is a bit of an issue as there are things I talk about with people on the Net, even via this blog, that I would not necessarily go out and talk about with just anybody.  In some ways, having deep discussions about sensitive things (for me.. mental health, struggles of being a step-parent,) are easier to have via the ‘distance’ offered by the internet.  While I do talk about mental health/Illnesses in the real world, I find I choose my places carefully and choose my words even more carefully.

I have gotten side-tracked…

Regarding the internet, social contact and agoraphobia – I can guarantee that there are people who  who will say that meeting and talking to people via the internet is not a valid form of connecting… that you need “real” people contacts.  The “flesh and blood.” I agree and I don’t.

I agree to the extent that I believe that getting out, meeting people, visiting friends and family, going to work, volunteering – all these things are important to maintaining a sense of well-being.  It keeps you grounded with the real world – what is happening, who is doing what.  The joy of talking with someone who can make you laugh or cry cannot be undersold.  Human nature is such that we require people contact.  If there wasn’t such a drive for this, more people would choose to reside out in the boondocks.

One of the other fundamentals of interacting with people face-to-face is feedback… either facial, body, tone of voice.  We rely on it… it is said that 90% of communication is done this way.  Imagine that.. only 10% of our communication is done in what we say.

But this little tidbit leads me into one of the reasons why I like meeting and talking with people over the internet – it (the Net) has the power of stripping away some of the things that can ‘interfere’ in a conversation – assumptions.  When I chat with someone, I am not *looking* at them and adding all sorts of info to the conversation.  What I look like or what I sound like is not part of the picture .. what I *say* is.  Make no mistake, I do miss the facial/body language cues that I am used to seeing, that help me interpret what is being said – some days it can be really frustrating trying to sort out what is really being said, particularly in tense or emotional situations, and yet there are those times where it is a relief to not be overwhelmed with trying to sort all that out.

I think chatting (Yahoo, MSN, etc) requires that we fine tune our language skills; that we be in touch with what it is we are feeling and more, how it is we can express those thoughts and feelings.  Not very effective to growl at your keyboard and cross you arms versus telling someone you are feeling very frustrated and at a loss for knowing what to do.

Now, I apologize if this entry doesn’t flow as well as some of mine do, but there are a few more points I want to touch on as to why I like the internet for it’s socializing… hmmm.. the right word now is “networking” I believe.

I think when it comes to talking via the internet… what saves me is if I am having a panic attack/anxiety/insecurity.. whatever the case may be.. it is easier for me to step up and away from the computer for a bit… whereas, in person… that is awkward and difficult

This is the crux to where I am at now with my agoraphobia … I love talking with people, but my anxiety and panic gets in the way.  I spend a good deal of time worrying about if people can tell that I’m having difficulties with my agoraphobia and how the heck I can delicately extricate myself from a situation should the urge to run come.  I don’t have to do that with the internet, or at least not to the same degree.

One final point about the internet and me – I am positive, 100% and totally, that if it were not for the chance to connect with people during my down times, when my depression and agoraphobia has been at its worse, I would be far more socially withdrawn.  Before the age of the internet, I remember being alone and dealing with all my own thoughts and issues – alone. I no longer have to do that.  And it’s not that anybody has the answers to my issues, but sometimes just being able to reach out and know that someone, somewhere, out there is listening, has taken the time to read what I have written or spoken… that keeps my feet planted on the ground on the most desperate of days.

So.. the internet.. via source of social contact or not?  Real or not?  Does it matter what others think so long as I or others like me benefit from it?

Bye for now