And the House Returns to Normal
At 9:15 this morning, my mother-in-law boarded a bus back, on her way back home after visiting us for 6 days. I while I am not happy to see her go, I am relieved.
If that sounds in any way selfish, I cannot apologize for it. I love my mother-in-law, but my patience and tolerance has been tested to its limits; my personal space has been infringed upon. Now I need “me” time.
I am puzzled by my mother-in-law. Well, not just her, but my family in general I suppose – actually, my husband’s side of the family really. I don’t understand how they think, or why they say and do some of the things they say.
For six days I have listened to my mother-in-law talk poorly about one person or another and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even realize that she’s doing it. That is, I don’t believe she does it maliciously . . . it is just who she is, and the things she talks of are “topics of conversation” for her. I, however, find it awful to sit and listen to. Even worse, is when my husband and step-daughter decide to participate in these type of conversations.
On one hand, I think she that some of these discussions are her way of reliving … er… reconnecting with the past? For example when she talks about something her daughter lied about when she was 7 or 8 years old, but she speaks of it with such vehemence and when combined with all the other negative things said about her daughter, I am left feeling extremely uncomfortable and unhappy with the conversation. It leaves me wondering what is said about me when I’m not around!!!
This same kind of discussion happens in regards to her husband. Fifty plus years of marriage, and she makes it sound as though he don’t give a crap about her and she don’t give a crap about him either. I sit and listen, shaking my head, wondering how it could all really be quite that bad.. and then…
. . . and then I listen to her recount the stories of when she was with us when hubby had his accident and I realize that she exaggerates, twists and blows things totally out of proportion and I know that many of the stories she tells have a different version to them. Yet somehow, in her version, she is the wronged/disadvantaged/unloved/disrespected one. I feel bad for her that she receives her satisfaction in life by being the martyred one … instead of finding hope and love in seeing how well she has done and the people she loves have done.
Yes, I have been sorely tried this past week… non-stop conversation about
- how bad/rotten/awful her daughter is (she lied from a young age and now is a lesbian, somehow these things make her less worthy of being a person who should be loved?)
- how kooky my son’s ex-girlfriend is (she’s capable of committing a crime of passion?)
- whether or not my father-in-law is an asshole who doesn’t care
- about kids who place parents in retirement homes and throw the parents prized possessions in the garbage (apparently *all* kids do this)
- health issues – I have had to relive every single injury, sickness, illness that my husband has had, the kids have had, and my mother-in-law has had… they (mother-in-law & husband) are health/injury obsessed.
So as I placed my mother-in-law on the bus this morning, and she started to cry, I felt bad for her. She thanked me for “allowing her to stay and be a pain with her cooking and cleaning” (I kid you not… that’s exactly what she said!) I reassured her that her cooking and cleaning is not a pain and that I really appreciated her help, especially in that I had been feeling so unwell and unable to keep up with the housework, and her cooking is something to die for. I do not have the heart to tell her that I can’t handle much of the other stuff. Nope… that will be stuff I discuss with hubby later this week once we have all unwound from the visit.
For now… I am going to go find some way to unwind… a long drive… a coffee… maybe a nap…
Bye for now.
