Weight Gain & Medications

“I’m really concerned about you.  You seem to be gaining more weight.”

This is the kind of comment that can kill any good mood and I heard it from my hubby last night.

Now, I understand his concern, but there are a couple important points to note:

1. I have not gained any weight in the last couple months
2. My medications have weight gain warnings
3. I don’t eat a lot of junk food
4. I exercise at least twice a week, quite vigorously actually (karate)
5. Quitting smoking changed my metabolism a bit

I did point most of this out to my husband, but he is unable to understand that medications themselves can have a side effect of weight gain.  He believes that it is all related to what you put in your mouth and no matter how hard I try, he does not understand that the side effect is weight gain, not “increased appetite.”

At least three of my medications have weight gain listed as a side effect:  Lithium, Lamictal, and Clozapine.  Clozapine is the worst and the drug company is well aware of this side effect and actively promotes exercise and diet awareness to combat the weight gain.  Every visit to my psychiatrists office only reinforces how much they are aware of this – pedometers, healthy eating calendars with tips on how to stay physically active.  Yup.  They know.  Lithium is an ol’ bad boy from way back… one of the reason I hate that drug is the weight gain.

What really picks my butt about the weight gain thing – without the medications I feel like crap and my moods cycle out of control.  With the meds, my moods are controlled, but I look in the mirror and I go… “Damn!”

Sad thing is.. I have never been a super light weight.  I am 5′10″ tall and have a very stocky build.  So most people to look at me would never even have a clue as to how much I weigh.  And while I am unhappy about the added weight from the medications, it is not unmanageable.  I participate in karate and do very well… I can move just as good as the next person (so long as they are my age… LOL… don’t stand a chance in hell of being able to move as easy as a 16 year old.)

I have wandered in my yabberings.. ooops…

I have offered to let hubby speak to my doc, counselor or psychiatrist so he can understand this is not just a eating issue.  He didn’t seem to keen to take me up on that offer.  So, my next plan of attack is we will BOTH go on a diet.  Maybe through him seeing that the combination of me exercising and dieting will not really make much of a difference, he will come to the understanding it isn’t as simple as he thinks it is.

Until then.. I take the damn pills because I must … not because I enjoy the side effects.

Bye for now.

Down for the Count

Still out of it with the cold. I’m waiting patiently for the turnaround day – it kinda feels like today might be the day. Heh – anyone who knows me well might wonder about the patient part, but I’ve actually spent an awful lot of time sleeping. Nature has way of making sure we give out body time to heal.

I’ve missed karate this week which really sucks.  I have a new gi (uniform) and was quite looking forward to wearing it. 

Okay… that’s it.  If you’re looking for a good stock tip, I recommend buying some Kleenex stocks.  I’m going through way more than my fair share of that right now.

Bye for now.

Damn Cold!

No, not the kind of cold that a lot of people know I get, the -20 Celsius kind . . . the viral kind.  I got a royal case of the sniffles and sneezes going on and a nasty tight chest developing.  I spent much of my day sleeping as our body has a way of saying:  “Hey.  You!  The one who hasn’t been looking after us enough.  What the hell you doing?  Ya won’t sleep as much as you should, and now we’re sick.. so go to sleep!”

So, after two 3 hour naps today, I awoke to try and do a few things, but I’m feeling quite miserable.   Thinking positively, my main aim is to not develop the three itis’s that I usually get – sinusitis, laryngitis, and bronchitis.  I’m feeling a tad miffed about it all . . . somehow I believed that quitting smoking would reduce me getting sick, but so far, I have not reaped the rewards in that way.  Silly me. Should have known it wasn’t going to be quite that easy.  Supposedly .. and this is where I’m hoping the difference will be . . . I am not supposed to get “as sick.”  We’ll see.  Having asthma, getting any kind of respiratory illness is usually cause for concern.

My mindfulness routine is a bit of a challenge.  I did not do it today . . . thank goodness they give us one day we can choose to not do it.  Having my head all stuffed up really interferes with my ability to concentrate.  I did do the body scan yesterday morning.  Aside from the fact that I was interrupted by the dogs and then by the one cat chasing the other down, it went okay… well almost.. I fell asleep 2/3 of the way through.  LOL.  Not supposed to do that but we were reassured that it can take a while to convince yourself to stay awake.  I’ve decided to take the CD with the body scan instructions and rip it into an mp3 format and place it on my ipod.  That way I can take the ipod with me and go downstairs to do the body scan – less interruptions – theoretically.

I have not chosen which meal I will have my “conscious awareness” with.  The idea of slowing down and actually experiencing a meal is one that continues to intrigue me.  I often do that with wine, particularly red wine, but I can’t say I’ve ever done it with food.

Enough of my whining and moaning for the night.  I’ve got enough drugs coursing through my veins to knock out an elephant, but of course my naps today have interfered with my sleep schedule.   Have to try to figure out how to shut things down.  Wait… maybe that mindfulness CD

Bye for now.

Mindfulness – Opening Night

Mindfulness – the purposeful awareness of the here and now… or at least that’s my interpretation of how it was explained. It’s paying attention to how you feel about things, what’s going on in the moment, and learning to not be judgmental about what is going on. Sounds pretty simple… “sounds”

I had my first class tonight. It was pretty trippy, but not in a bad way. I’m pleased and have been left with much to think about. Good thoughts. Quiet thoughts. A pleasant change.

One of first exercises was to take a few moments and become aware of of thoughts and feelings and then decide what we were at the class for, what our intentions were, and what we really wanted to obtain out of the class. Before I got to class, as I had been waiting to attend this course for a while, I had had much time to think about this. Yet, up until tonight I really had not clearly figured out what I wanted. Tonight it became clear – I was there because of my problems with panic/anxiety and my intentions were to find better ways to deal with that. But… what I really wanted… what finally came to me was my need to live in the “here and now” – that having to plan everything 20 steps in advance was exhausting and well, impossible. I needed to learn to not be in control of everything and take care of me… now.

Our next interesting exercise took me aback. We were each given 3 or 4 raisins … then… well, how does one explain this. We did not know they were raisins. We were to step back and look at them as if we had never seen them before and explain them using all five of our senses. It was about being in tune with our senses – learning to not run in automatic pilot. The last sense was taste, and it was a real challenge to pop that raisin in my mouth, roll it around to feel the texture and slowly chew it. I sooooo badly wanted to munch it fast and swallow. I’m glad I didn’t – I had forgotten how good raisins really taste… and as our homework this week includes eating one meal with “conscious awareness” – actually taking the time to taste and experience smells and textures – well… I’m intrigued. I’m looking forward to it.

The biggest exercise for the night was one called a “Body Scan.” For this, we laid on a mat and the idea was to relax but not to purposely try to relax. We had to intentionally set out to not sleep. I did not understand this part of the instruction until about 2/3 of the way through the exercise and I was fighting the urge to snore. Anyways, throughout the whole exercise, our instructor walked us through different steps, or rather through different parts of our body, where we were to become aware of that body part and any sensation associated with it. The weirdest part of the whole thing was it was not about making your body or any one part feel any one way, it was all about the “awareness.” A wandering mind was one of the things we had been told to expect to happen and for me this certainly was true – there was a specific point where I completely went off in another zone and a specific point where I came back to being able to concentrate. What I really liked was the idea that it was okay to wander given the instruction that if you should lose your focus, to just gently bring yourself back. I am by no means giving any justice to this process. It was something I don’t know that I will find the right words for – at least not yet – but perhaps later as I become more conscious of what I am experiencing and doing during the body scan.

The feedback after the body scan was what I found interesting. For me, yes my mind had wandered. More than that tho… before I went to class, I had been suffering some discomfort from my karate classes this week. Sore muscles – very sore muscles! I was very aware of what those muscles were, but after the body scan, I became aware of other body parts that were sore also. This was curious to me but was explained that because you take the time to stop and listen to what you body is saying, you discover these things. Kinda cool, really.

As for the thinking 20 steps ahead. This was the first class. What can I say? It’ll take a long time to undo that behavior. However, I did come home with a sense of calmness and a little bit of inner peace.

The next week involves some homework. A body scan (six days out of seven); some gentle yoga; a meal with conscious awareness (looking forward to that,) a puzzle (not sure of the purpose – it’s a pencil puzzle,) and a short reading exercise. The body scan will be done in the morning as I plan to use it as a way to start my day. Tonight’s experience of how it could put me to sleep reinforced that I have no choice but to do it in the morning.

Okay…. I’m rambling.

Bye for now.